Every day with schizoaffective disorder is different. Some days are okay, with not much going on and my experience being fairly normal. Other days are crazier, riding the waves of mania and depression and dealing with disordered and out-of-control thoughts. It is always something I have to work to stay on top of and it can be easy to get caught up in the shuffle of all these things as they are happening. No two days are ever exactly the same, but that tends to keep it interesting. I guess it would be kind of boring if every day was exactly the same. But I digress.
The thing about schizoaffective disorder is that it not only affects my moods but my thinking as well. My thoughts are often disordered and disorganized and I struggle with paranoia. I am told that some of the things that are happening to me are not really happening, that it is all in my head. While I can appreciate that something is definitely wrong with me, which is beyond questioning, I cannot always agree with the assertion that these things are not happening. Even though they may sound crazy to the casual onlooker, they are quite real to me. My experience is one of great mental commotion. There is always something going on in my mind and it never seems to end. Telling me that it is all in my head doesn’t really help, but it does make me wonder just where the lines of reality are drawn.
I do not always agree with the version of reality that I am told is the right one. I have difficulty sorting out what is what in my life, but there is one thing I am sure of. And that is the word of God. I know that the Bible is God’s testimony to us, His letter to the world describing who we are, why we are the way we are and what He is doing about it. I believe that regardless of whatever else I do or do not believe that God’s word is the ultimate reality. It is what grounds me and is the foundation of my faith and my very life. Even though I may not agree with others’ views on what is and isn’t real, I can find peace in knowing that God is real and His word is true. Prophetically sound and historically accurate, God’s word is the thing that keeps me grounded and sure.
Scripture states in 2 Timothy 3:16 that all Scripture is God-breathed. That means that every line of Scripture was written by someone who was carried along and inspired by the Holy Spirit, faithfully recording the words of God for us to study and know. It is given to teach, rebuke, correct and train us in righteousness, and should be the foundation of every believer’s life. This is the reality I am grounded in. Whether or not the government can control my mind, God’s word is real. Whether or not people can hear my thoughts, God’s word is real. I find comfort in knowing that there is an absolute that does not depend on man’s opinions, something that is rock solid and sure. This is what I am building my life upon and is the reason I am able to stand no matter what comes my way.
I would encourage anyone reading this to go deep into God’s word. Study it, memorize it and live it out in your life. The word of God isn’t just another book to be read, it is the book to be read and believed. God has made Himself known to us and given us this awesome resource for knowing Him, and we should not take it for granted. Because of the Bible I have a reference point for whatever I may or may not believe in life, and what it says to me is of the utmost importance. I may not have it all together and I may struggle with mental issues, but God’s word is true regardless of what I think or believe. And since it does not depend on me, it is able to keep me on the right path as I look to it for guidance in my life. The word of God is what grounds me and is the ultimate reality, and for that I am thankful today.